I’ve been about a month into my competition training now (25 days to be exact) and already it’s been a complete roller coaster ride and quite the learning process. My first hurdle was my eating. It’s not a challenge for me to eat completely clean, it’s been a challenge to eat as much as I need to in order to hit my calorie mark each day so I don’t hit a deficit. Eating 2,200 calories and 140 grams of protein of clean food is no easy task. That is a ton of eggs, oats, chicken, grains, nuts fruit and vegetables (which is not cheap by any stretch of the imagination). It's also a lot of time in the kitchen cooking, preparing and cleaning up all of this food for the week. I come to work every day with about 5 tubberware containers full of food, and more snacks at my desk. My colleagues must think I'm a complete nut. For the first two weeks it was almost impossible for me to hit my calorie mark, only because my body wouldn’t be able to break down and process that much food, and that’s with the addition of the mass gainer I take. I eat within an hour of waking up until about an hour before I go to bed, every 2 ½ hours. No matter what, between 2-2 ½ hours I stop what I’m doing and eat, even if I was still full from my previous meal. It’s such a concept that takes some getting used to; to eat every 2 ½ hours even if you aren’t hungry. But, scientifically, it is perfectly logical. You’re body needs fuel, especially when you’re training as hard as you’d be for competition and need to put on some weight and muscle mass, and that is really only possible to eat so frequently. It’s amazing how quickly my body has adapted to that type of eating regimen because after the first two weeks I noticed that I’d now be hungry every 2-2 ½ hours, like clockwork, and not just hungry…but starving. This has been great because now I can consume the amount of food that I need to be eating without feeling sick, full or bloated 24/7. And let’s face it, this girl loves to eat.
Within the first month, this journey has already been mentally exhausting. It’s been more of a battle with myself more than anything actually. The past week I’ve been going through bouts of self doubt and an incredible feeling of being over whelmed. Every week I’ve been taking a picture of my body and keeping it for my own records so I can see what exactly I need to focus on and in the future I can look back and see all of my progress. I’m always researching and reading up on articles about successful fitness competitors and their regimen, journey, etc. I am in absolute awe of these women. A lot of their stories are truly inspirational…and they have kick ass bodies. I started to reflect on my own self and thought “my shoulders aren’t as big as hers” or “my abs are nowhere as defined as hers are”. I started to become extremely discouraged. But then I thought to myself “shut the fuck up Nicole, you’re being a pussy”. Here is a compilation of all the things I realized (after I literally told myself to shut the fuck up).
1. These women have worked their ass off for YEARS to attain the bodies they have.
2. I’ve only been seriously training for one month, and the type of muscle definition and growth I’m seeking isn’t going to happen in that amount of time.
3. Thinking negatively about the muscles I haven’t developed yet and not being proud of the progress I have made is not going to get me where I need to be.
After realizing all of this, I decided I’d never have such a negative outlook again throughout this process. I have to think positive if I want positive results. I have to take this day by day and one step at a time if I want to succeed. I have to be patient (of which is not by strongest trait by any means) because this is not an overnight process, it's a long and arduous journey. I have to stop being so critical of myself (I’m that way by nature, I blame it on my type A personality) and absolutely have to stop comparing my body to every other fitness competitor/model. Instead, I need to strive to be the absolute best that I can be, not anyone else’s best.
Most importantly, I took a step back to realize that I need to be proud of what I have accomplished and the progress I’ve made so far. Exactly one year ago, I weighed no more than 105lbs (my lowest ever in my adult life had been 95lbs). I was a cardio bunny to the max, and the few times I did weight training I could squat no more than a 50lb barbell, curl no more than 12lbs and could barely bench a 35lb barbell. I was so unhealthily thin and so incredibly weak. I have always been incredibly active and into fitness, but the past few years (of which I will divulge more about in future posts) I was solely interested in losing weight and being thin, rather than maintain/gaining weight and being fit. Flash forward to today and I currently weigh 125lbs; squat more than 200lbs, curl 30lbs, dead lift 200 and bench 125lbs. My entire outlook on fitness and nutrition has done a complete 180 (for the better) and I am the strongest and healthiest I have ever been. For only a year of serious commitment and training, with some minor setbacks, that’s a pretty incredible accomplishment.
So after all of this, I thought to myself…”Big fucking deal if your shoulders aren’t where they need to be 6 months now, or if you’re abs aren’t as shredded as they should be or even if your traps aren’t developing as well as you wish they would be. You aren’t competing tomorrow, you’re competing in 6 months…you have time. So chill the fuck out and slow your roll”.
Needless to say, the first month has certainly had it’s ups and downs. But I figure that making the commitment in the first place is an accomplishment, and I’m only going to get better each and every day. As long as I don’t let my emotions get the best of me. Don’t let the heavy weights and lifting grunts fool you…I’m still a girl, and I still have far too many emotions.
Regardless of whether you're training for a competition or just working towards your own personal fitness/health goals, don't get discouraged. It takes time, sometimes more time than one would wish for, but it's the reality of the game. Once you realize and understand this, you won't face such an emotional battle with yourself. Set-backs happen...plateaus happen....and you'd only be human if you were to be discouraged once in a while. But fight through it all and use that discouragement as fuel for your next workout...use it for your motivation. I don't care if it takes you 3 months or 3 years to reach your goals...this is your health. Whatever you are striving for, no matter how long, hard and painful the road to achieving it may be, it's absolutely worth every tear cried, every ounce of blood bled and every bullet of sweat produced.
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